I would be lying if I said I felt great 100% of the time. Truth is, I really don't. However, I find peace and comfort in the fact that I am worlds away from where I used to be.
Like anything, when we have a breakthrough and it becomes something that no longer taunts us like it used to, we often feel like we can't or won't ever go back to that place again. When in reality, nothing in life is a straight line. There's always a chance that feelings and thoughts will resurface, and this shouldn't be where we panic and feel like we've failed.
As I said, I really don't feel amazing all of the time - and thats ok. I've learnt that self-growth and self-acceptance is all about taking the rough with the smooth. Most days I feel confident, content and at peace with who I am - this is a blessing in itself because for as long as I can remember I didn't feel this way. Then some days, I just feel shit. I nit pick, I think negatively of myself, I want to hide, I want to cry...sometimes I do cry. And that's ok.
We can't feel perfect 100% of the time, just like we can't be perfect 100% of the time. As humans we need to try to separate ourselves from this idea of "perfection", which is easier said than done I know.
Recovery, growth and progress are never one perfectly straight road - theres bumps, theres detours, the ETA might change a few times as you find yourself stuck in traffic, and theres no real end destination to arrive at either.
Theres no recipe or guideline for how your self-love journey should look, we are all here trying as best as we can, with whatever knowledge, experiences and resources we have.
From a young age we are put into situations that force us to compare ourselves to our peers - at school, then work, and then into life-events such as marriage, buying a house and having kids etc.
Pair that with the exposure and pressures of social media and we find ourselves constantly being fed information and narratives about what everyone else is doing, how they look, how much money they have and what they've achieved. In this day and age it's very hard to escape it, and it becomes consuming.
Because of this, loving yourself no longer becomes about who you are. How we view ourselves becomes jaded and the focus turns to who you can be "seen" to be by others, what you can attain and what you have achieved in life that then determines your self-worth.
This then discredits all the beautiful transformational work that we might have done on the inside, because to the outside world it's insignificant or can't be seen.
I want you to know, that all that hard work you've been putting in to better yourself from the inside, nurture your spirit, give yourself the love and attention that you denied yourself for so long but deeply deserve is never in-vain.
I want you to know that it's ok to have days where you don't feel like yourself, days where you hate your reflection, days where you wish you were anyone else but you.
Those days will only put the fire back in your belly to continue to strive to be the best version of you that you can be...to keep pushing...to remain faithful.
Loving yourself is being kind to yourself, and letting yourself know that it's ok not to be ok.
Sending you love and light as always,